I am on a journey. I have been from about the age of 10 when my (I think) non believing parents answered my request to attend Catholic church with a little friend with a "sure, if you want to." and little to no follow up questions about the experience.
The experience was in fact slightly terrifying for me. I can toss in confusing, physically uncomfortable, and down right awkward as well. Terrifying because the message I received was that I was going to hell. Confusing because at 10 my parents assured me that I was a good kid, without conferring a sense of a mysterious being approving of me (at 10 leaving it at that was just fine with me!). Physically uncomfortable because I didn't understand the need to be kneeling so much on uncomfortable bars that were to small in my mind to be of any use in a service that took forever and was mostly in a language I had never heard. Finally awkward because I was for some unknown reason invited to partake in communion. The message I received grossed me out but mom & dad taught me to be polite even if I was told (after the drink) that I was eating an unknown man's flesh, then (again after the fact) that I was drinking his blood. Gross!
We spent a lot of time praying to a woman to ask her son to ask his dad to forgive us for our sins. I didn't know I had sinned and no one enlightened me on how I had done so. All in all a very unsatisfactory experience.
Move on to Jr. High. Again I visited a church with a friend. This time it was a Christian church, I'm not really sure what denomination as it didn't leave much of an impression on me. I remember that we went through brief prayers, some lovely songs, and a snacky meet and greet. All of which left me rather deflated.
I went home and had a discussion with my dad and he said something that later in life struck me as profound but took me quite some time to realize it as such. He said "Kiddo, I don't need 4 walls and a roof over my head for me to talk to God, I talk to him when I'm fishing in the most beautiful cathedral he ever built." It took me a while.
I rebelled when I was a sophomore and moved out of my parents house, several hundred miles away and continued to rebel for quite a while. I moved in with a much older guy that lived with his parents who were Jehovah Witness'. The violence I saw in that home (and received) is another conversation all together, but the clincher for that religion was the agreement that the leaders of the church gave to that dad for "teaching" his wife that God demands obedience. I'm sure that most branches will disagree with his stand, but for me it stuck.
I got pregnant at 18 and again went looking for religion to answer some questions for me. I attended a youth group and within a month was told by the leader that God told him I was suppose to give him and his wife my baby. Ya. No. Moving on.
I finally came to the conclusion that dad was probably right. Outside, loving the earth, and communing without others opinions was pretty sweet. That was confirmed in a large variety of ways, from attending churches that encouraged laying on of hands, to speaking in tongues, to faith healing, all the way to a friends wedding that made me cry. Now your thinking "But every woman cries at a wedding!". Sure we do, when it is a beautiful thing. I was in a Baptist church, and the bride walked down the isle, love shining out from her while her groom, equally shiny, waited for her. They get to the front, the minister gives his prayer and then says "at this point I would usually tell you ____'s father would put her hand in mine and I would place it in ____'s symbolizing the passing of her from Father to Holy spirit to Son. ____ & _____ have been living together outside of marriage so we will be skipping that." Can you HEAR the screeching breaks?!?!? OH I could! I'm thinking to myself "hea! Back that bus up. What the hell did he just do to them in the middle of their WEDDING?!?!". She was crushed. What do we most remember about that day? Just that. I don't remember her cake, decorations, or anything else. I do remember thinking that I was done with this crap.
I have spent a lot of time simply believing. I was okay with that and I gave my kids information about God and I too let them explore what is out there. I did talk with them after the fact and got their take on it to ensure they had good experiences, unlike my own. They mostly had fun in the school version of church which was good.
I became a rabid fan of George Carlin and when I saw his break down of the 10 commandments it struck a cord. It all really did boil down to "be nice."! Yep, that works for me. I coasted on that for several years. I don't like hurting people. I do like feeling like I have made life better even if for a moment for some.
Then we moved into the last election.
I listened as people I thought I knew screamed out their religious beliefs with spittle flying. I listened as they banged their fists and tossed around Kenya, Muslim, and birth certificate. My stop point was when they repeated (with a fire in their eye)that our founding fathers were all Christians and that they made this country for Christians. Stop point. No argument. Suck it up lady your Stalin in a dress.
Hmmmmm..... Time to do what I do, which is read. A lot.
I went looking to see just how much religion was written in my constitution. The answer? Not much. Religion makes only one direct and obvious appearance in the original Constitution That appearance is in Article 6, at the end of the third clause:
[N]o religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States.
Move on to the 1st amendment: Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.
Both of these told me that the great founding fathers were trying to ensure that religion DIDN'T get into politics. So, thinking that I moved on to their religion.
There was my AHH moment because I found numerous references to something called Deism. I found statements from their pastors that stated they were in fact Deists. So I did my due diligence and argued this point and still do.
I offer you my latest ahh moment on Deism in the group I have found that finally makes sense to me without offending my faith that there IS a God, but agrees that He isn't stirring His finger around deciding who has been pious enough to have Him grant him good things in life. The definition: Deism is the recognition of a universal creative force greater than that demonstrated by mankind, supported by personal observation of laws and designs in nature and the universe, perpetuated and validated by the innate ability of human reason coupled with the rejection of claims made by individuals and organized religions of having received special divine revelation. The link: World Union of Diests
I do hope that with logical thought some might come to see reason before the world is brought down by yet another crusade.
Much love
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